Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
