She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
