Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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