i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your penis caused this!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
