I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
