this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
