He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Small penises have feelings too.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
