woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
there is glitter all over my balls
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
