I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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