she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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