I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
