hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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