How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
