You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
