I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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