he puts the penis in happiness.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
