I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
