my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
