Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
