my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
