my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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