the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
