he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just puked most of my soul out..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
