If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
