is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
