I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
