I wish I could teleport
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
