What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
