Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
