He uses pillows to masturbate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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