Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
