i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
