I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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