So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
