1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
