...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
