Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
