I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
