went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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