Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
