she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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