Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
