they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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