I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
