Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
