That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
