I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
