Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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