i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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