but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
