Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
