How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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