I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
