You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
