Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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