I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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