Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
