Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
