Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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