It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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