she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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