i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
