Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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