Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize