Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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