If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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