If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
