Just fell off a train. Bad.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
