I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
