He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
