Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
