So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
