WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
